我需要一部小品
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张菲在台湾的实力为什么不来大陆
如果常看80年代中末到90年代龙兄虎你就会发现郭德纲相声的很多改编自那里，还有些金典的句出自那里，所以张菲的确有功夫，早先两岸关系刚刚改善，搞文化交流，大陆演员去台湾上的节目基本都是张菲费玉清主持的龙兄虎弟，包括倪萍，姜昆都去过。
他不来大陆也许是年纪大了吧，也有可能有一定的正 至倾向吧，我瞎猜
要一段相声
美女与野兽(中英文版)A long time ago and far away, there lived a merchant and his three daughters. The older girls were proud, while the youngest girl was generous and kind.One day, the merchant heard that all his ships had been lost in a storm. He was penniless and would have to move to a tiny cottage on the edge of the woods.Everything will be alright, said the youngest daughter, Beauty,. We can all help. We don't need any servants as the house is so small.The merchant was very grateful to Beauty. The older girls were very upset, and were no help at all.In no time at all, Beauty had the little cottage spick and span.One day, a messenger arrived.I have good news, he said to the merchant. One of your ships has made harbour. You are needed to oversee matters in the unloading.Oh, good news indeed! said the merchant. He called his daughters around him. they were delighted when they heard the news.Does this mean that we can move back home? asked the oldest daughter.First things first, said her father. If there is a profit, I'll bring you all back a present. You must tell me what you would like.Oh, a beautiful dress, father, cried the first.A new hat, father, said the second.What about you, Beauty? asked the merchant.Beauty simply said, A red rose please, father.The merchant set out that very day for the town with the messenger. He completed his business, and found that he had indeed made a profit. There was enough to buy his daughters' presents and some to invest. The dress and hat were soon bought, but there were no roses to be had in the town.It was evening when he set out for home.Maybe I'll be able to find one on the way home, he said to himself.He was still far from home when it started to grow dark. He was in an unfamiliar part of the forest, and knew that he would soon be lost if he did not find somewhere for the night. He suddenly saw some lights and soon found himself outside a vast mansion.I did not know that this was here, said the merchant. I must really be lost!The merchant went into the house as the front door was open. He looked around, but there was nobody to be seen. He suddenly sniffed the air. He could smell delicious food. A table in the dining room was laid for one, so he sat and ate a hearty supper.He suddenly remembered his horse, and went to stable it for the night, but it had already been done, and the horse was tucking into a bag of oats.'How strange,' thought the merchant, returning to the house. There, a bedroom had been prepared for him. He slept well, and in the morning, found all his clothes had been cleaned, breakfast was ready and his horse was saddled.At the front door, he turned to thank his unseen host, but then he saw the garden. I was full of roses - roses of every different colour.Now I can get Beauty's present, said the merchant, and he picked a red rose.The merchant nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard a furious roar.Have I not been a good host? roared the voice. I fed you, gave you a bed for the night and stabled your horse, and you repay me by stealing from me.The owner of the voice then came into sight. The merchant shuddered. It was the ugliest creature he had ever seen.I am very sorry, said the merchant. I picked it for my daughter.If you wish to live, you must send the first living thing you see when you arrive home, said the Beast.Very well, said the merchant. He knew that his dog usually greeted him first.He then set off for home. But to his dismay, it was Beauty who ran out of the house to greet him. The dog was lying asleep in the sun.The other girls came out to empty the saddle bags and to see their presents. He went quietly into the house. Beauty was worried and followed him in.What's wrong? she asked.I must send you to the Beast's house, he said sadly, and then told Beauty what had happened.I will go, said Beauty. We must keep your promise.But you have not seen him, said her father. I will still go, said Beauty. He surely cannot be as ugly as you say.But Beauty did shudder the first time she saw the Beast at the house in the middle of the forest. The Beast pretended not to notice her shudder, and showed her around the house and gardens. She had a beautiful room and lovely clothes, and he gave her a magic mirror so that she could see her family whenever she wanted to.The Beast spent every afternoon with her, and gradually she became used to his ugly face and looked forward to seeing him.One afternoon the Beast said, Beauty, do you love me?Love you? repeated Beauty. No, But I do like you, I like you a lot.Never mind, said the Beast and he left her, much earlier than usual.Beauty looked in her mirror and saw that her sister was getting ready to be married.Beauty asked the Beast if she could go to the wedding.The Beast agreed, and he sent her in a beautiful carriage with a lovely present.Don't go back to him, said her father, after the wedding.I must, said Beauty. I have promised to stay.On her return, the Beast seemed very pleased to see her, and gave her all sorts of gifts, and spent a great deal of time with her.The next time that Beauty looked in the mirror, her other sister was preparing for her wedding.Please may I go? Beauty asked the Beast. I promise I shall return again.Again, Beauty went with gifts for her sister's wedding.She returned soon after the wedding, and again the Beast seemed delighted to have her back.Beauty did not look in her mirror for a long time after that, but suddenly remembered it one afternoon when the Beast could not join her.What she saw made her feel quite weak. Her father was ill in bed, and there were doctors and her sisters standing around him shaking their heads.As soon as the Beast returned, Beauty ran to him. Please, I must go home, she said. My father is very ill and I must be with him.Very well, said the Beast. But please take this ring with you. If the stone is bright then I am well, but if it turns dull, I am dying.Beauty arrived home to find her father as she had seen him.He's been asking for you, said her sisters.As soon as he saw his daughter, the merchant began to improve. Autumn came and went, and the merchant begged Beauty to stay.I am still a little weak, he said. And it will be winter soon. Return to the Beast in spring.Beauty agreed, and Christmas and winter were spent at the cottage.One day, in early spring, Beauty was sorting through some drawers and found the ring that the Beast had given her.The stone was dull and lifeless.I must go back! she cried.She left the cottage, the carriage speeding to take her back to the Beast's mansion.Please, don't let me be too late, she wept. She had grown very fond of the Beast, and was very upset that she hadn't looked at the ring for so long.The carriage swept into the drive and went up to the house. She leapt out and ran into the house, but the Beast was nowhere to be found. She called and called, but there was no answer. He must be in the garden, she said, and she ran out, calling his name.Beauty, she heard his voice gently whisper. She found him by a great bush of red roses.Beauty ran to him and sat down to cradle his ugly head in her arms. She was crying and telling him how sorry she was. He was very weak.Oh, Beast, she wept. Please don't die. I do love you.There was a sudden flash of light, and Beauty no longer held the Beast in her arms! She looked up and saw a handsome man standing by the rose bush.Where is the Beast? she asked, looking round.Here, said the man, I was the Beast and I was dying. I needed you to say that you love me. Now my stepmother's spell has been lifted.Beauty was delighted, and she and the young man were soon married. They lived happily in the beautiful mansion with the rose garden.Chinese>>很久以前，在一座金碧辉煌的城堡里住着一位骄纵、自私的王子。
一个寒冷的冬夜，城堡里来了一位乞丐老婆婆，她献给王子一枝红玫瑰，请求王子让她避避风寒。
王子见她长得又丑又怪，便要赶她走。
乞丐老婆婆对王子说：“内在美才是真正的美。
”但王子还是不肯让她留下。
这时，乞丐老婆婆忽然变了，变成一位美丽无比的女巫
为了惩罚王子，她实施魔法将王子变成了丑陋的野兽，又将他的仆人们变成了各种各样的器皿。
从此，王子就把自己关在城堡里，只能通过一面魔镜看到外面的世界。
女巫把玫瑰花留给了他。
这朵玫瑰花只能盛开到他21岁生日。
如果他在玫瑰凋谢前学会爱别人，同时也能得到对方的爱，魔法就能破除；否则，他永远不能恢复人形
时间一年一年地过去了……在城堡附近的村子里，有位美丽、善良的少女，名叫贝儿。
她平时除了照顾爸爸莫维斯——一位辛勤却不得志的发明家以外，最喜欢的就是读书。
同村有位强壮的年轻猎人，名叫加斯顿，他深深地被美丽的贝儿所吸引。
一天下午，加斯顿在书店前遇见了贝儿。
他劝说贝儿不要读那么多的书，应该好好关心他。
加斯顿总是向村里人吹嘘他就要和贝儿结婚了。
其实，贝儿对自大而无知的加斯顿没有一点好感。
贝儿回到家，发现爸爸正在激动地摆弄着他新发明的机器。
明天他就要带着这台新机器参加发明展览会了。
莫维斯说：“如果我赢得大奖，我们就再也不愁吃穿了
”他把机器装上马车，然后驾着马儿费立上路了。
贝儿大喊：“祝您好运，爸爸
”夜里，莫维斯和费立在黑漆漆的森林里迷路了。
莫维斯沮丧地说：“我们天亮前赶不到展览会了。
”更可怕的是，他们受到了一群野狼的攻击，费立受惊慌乱地跑回村子。
莫维斯拼命逃脱了狼群的追击，来到一座阴森森的城堡面前。
城堡的大门敞开着。
他冲了进去，哐当一声关上大门。
野狼在门外疯狂地嚎叫着。
在这座令人毛骨悚然的古堡里，莫维斯惊讶地发现每件器皿都会说话
温文尔雅的蜡烛台卢米亚说：“你能活着到这里真令人难以相信
”胆小的闹钟葛士华说：“嘘
安静点
别把主人吵醒了
”卢米亚对莫维斯说：“过来休息一下吧
”莫维斯精疲力尽地倒在沙发上。
茶煲太太说：“你要喝茶吗
”小茶杯阿齐赶紧凑过来。
“不行，主人会发现的
”葛士华大叫。
茶煲太太说：“嘿
你才应该小声点
”然后，她倒了一杯热气腾腾的好茶给莫维斯。
莫维斯刚端起茶杯，突然，餐厅的门被撞开了，一只可怕的野兽出现在莫维斯面前。
他张开血盆大口，露出尖尖的牙齿，怒吼着向莫维斯冲了过来。
野兽吼着：“你在这里干什么
”不容莫维斯辩解，野兽就下令把他关进了牢房。
此时，在村子里，加斯顿正缠着贝儿答应嫁给他。
可是贝儿再一次拒绝了他，并下了逐客令。
加斯顿走后不久，费立飞奔到贝儿的屋前。
贝儿吃惊地问：“怎么回事
爸爸呢
”费立冲着莫维斯出事的地方长嘶，贝儿明白父亲出事了。
她立即跳上马，费立带着贝儿又飞奔而去。
费立把贝儿带进森林里。
贝儿在浓雾中隐隐约约地看到了城堡的大门，她战战兢兢地走了进去。
正当贝儿在城堡里寻找父亲时，被小茶杯阿齐发现了。
阿齐兴奋地跑去告诉妈妈茶煲太太：“妈妈
有个女孩来啦
”不一会儿，所有的器皿都看到了贝儿。
他们认定她就是破除魔法的女孩。
不久，贝儿发现了关在牢房里的莫维斯，她大声地喊：“爸爸
我一定要把您救出去
”此时，有个巨大的阴影罩在了贝儿的身上，她回过头来，正好撞上了野兽。
贝儿吓得大叫起来。
贝儿为了换取父亲的自由，决定留下作野兽的犯人。
莫维斯心碎地离开了城堡。
野兽带着贝儿来到她的房间。
野兽告诉贝儿：“除了我住的房间，你可以在城堡里自由走动。
”城堡中的器皿仆人都异常兴奋，因为他们知道，如果野兽和贝儿相爱，魔法就会破除，他们就能恢复人形了
晚餐前贝儿房里的衣柜说：“让我们想想，晚餐时你该穿什么衣服吧
”贝儿大叫：“告诉你，我不要吃晚餐
我只是他的囚犯，不是客人
”一回到村子里，莫维斯就跑到当地的酒馆，将野兽和贝儿的事情告诉了乡亲们。
可没有人相信他，大家都认为他是个疯老头。
加斯顿也在酒馆里，他心里琢磨：“嗯……大家都认为这老头不正常，这倒让我想起一个逼贝儿嫁给我的好主意
”在城堡里，夜深了，贝儿觉得肚子好饿。
城堡里的器皿为她准备了丰盛的晚餐。
晚餐后，她在城堡里散步，好奇地进入了野兽的房间。
野兽回来后正好撞见贝儿在他房间里，他发疯似地大吼：“谁让你进来的，给我滚出去
”贝儿吓坏了，她冲出城堡，跑进黑漆漆的森林里。
野狼发现了贝儿，又开始向她进攻。
幸好野兽及时赶到，他勇敢地冲向狼群，打得野狼纷纷逃入森林。
贝儿得救了。
为了救贝儿，野兽受了伤。
贝儿感激地说：“你受伤了，我扶你回去。
”贝儿照顾着野兽，他们彼此原谅了对方。
野兽带着贝儿参观书房，贝儿则常常念书给他听；告诉他用餐的礼仪；教他跳舞。
渐渐地，野兽变得文雅了，贝儿对他的感情也越来越深。
野兽把魔镜拿给贝儿看，并告诉她，用这个魔镜可以看到任何你想看到的事物。
贝儿要求看看父亲，在魔镜中她看到病重的父亲在森林里四处找她。
贝儿哭了，她喊着：“我要去找爸爸
”野兽舍不得贝儿走，但是他爱贝儿，为了她不再伤心，野兽宁愿看着那朵玫瑰枯萎。
他忍着悲痛说：“你要走就走吧。
”野兽把魔镜交给贝儿，让贝儿常常看看他。
贝儿依靠魔镜找到父亲后，把他带回了家。
加斯顿带着一群村民来到贝儿家，他低声威胁贝儿：“如果你不嫁给我，我就告诉大家你爸爸是个疯子，他乱说什么野兽，这样他就会被关起来
”贝儿说：“我爸爸没疯，的确有野兽。
你也休想让我嫁给你
”加斯顿立刻告诉大家莫维斯疯了，但是贝儿把魔镜拿了出来，让大家亲眼看到了野兽。
所有的村民都喊着：“真的有野兽
”加斯顿又恶狠狠地说：“他很危险
他会吃了你们的小孩
跟我走
杀死他
”然后，加斯顿把贝儿和莫维斯关在地窖里，带领村民去杀野兽了。
小茶杯阿齐在贝儿离开城堡时偷偷躲在贝儿的口袋里一起跑出了城堡。
这时，它爬到地窖外，用莫维斯发明的机器救出了父女俩。
贝儿把阿齐从机器里拉出来。
然后，她和莫维斯跳上马背，前往城堡帮助野兽。
贝儿到达城堡时，看见城堡的屋顶上，野兽正和加斯顿厮打在一起。
加斯顿哀求着：“请别伤害我
”当野兽看见贝儿时，立刻想起贝儿教导他要和善、仁慈，就松开了加斯顿。
但是狡猾的加斯顿趁机抽出一把刀，刺向野兽的后背。
正当野兽痛苦地哀嚎时，加斯顿失足从屋顶上摔了下去。
眼看着玫瑰的最后一片花瓣就要掉了。
贝儿抱住受伤的野兽深情地说：“你不要死，我爱你
”贝儿的话音未落，魔法奇迹般地解除了
受伤的野兽又变回为英俊的王子。
城堡里所有的器皿也都恢复了人形。
贝儿终于得到了她向往的爱情……